I have not really written about this and I am not really sure why I feel like writing about it now.  It has been 2 years now that we have been trying to conceive a second child.  Secondary infertility is isolating and confusing.  I go from being hopeful, to being sad, to being mad and then content.  Over and over, but I will say it is getting easier.

We decided about a year ago to start to let go and let what happens happen.  I am getting over it and trying to be content with how much I have and the one beautiful and amazing daughter I do have.  I am truly thankful for her.  It just hurts my heart when she asks for a sibling or speaks of them as if they are coming.

We have tried some drug therapy for a short stint (6 months).  I was diagnosed with PCOS,  poly cystic ovarian syndrome.  We stopped because mainly of the cost.  Our health insurance is basically catastrophe insurance and we just getting started at digging ourselves out of the debt we had obtained while in school and decided throwing thousands at this was just not worth it.  Maybe if we lived somewhere where they had specialists and I knew I was getting my monies worth, but Juneau doesn't have anyone like that.

Maybe it will happen and maybe it wont.  I am tired of the comments.  "It will happen when you stop trying." or the "You guys should try this (insert)."  or the "At least you have one."  It all just really is useless small talk that I don't care to hear.  It always comes from those who cannot relate.

Anyway, we have Avery!  She is awesome and loud and ridiculous.  I don't want sympathy, I just don't want to really talk about it with people who have not been there.  It sucks and it is what it is.  It is the first time in my life that I have not gotten something I really wanted. It is the first time I have failed where I really tried and it hurts and there is nothing I can do.  So this is me letting go.  We are parents of an only and I am okay with that.